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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
