I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
