I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
