Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
