people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
