Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
birth control should be required to get into college
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
