Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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