my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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