YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
