I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
