Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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