Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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