Plan B is the new Plan A
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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