A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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