I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
