Already got asked if we're dating
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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