I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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