I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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