Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
