did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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