Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
