i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
