There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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