I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
