That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
