5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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