And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
