dude i'm inner monologue high
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
