Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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