Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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