As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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