I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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