i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
