Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
