what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
