He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
