so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
