I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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