I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
