im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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