Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
