he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
