i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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