OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
