Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
