Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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