I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she looked like the before picture.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
