i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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