I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
