Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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