no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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