I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
