mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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