i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
