my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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