We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
