So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
