aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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