what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
