3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
