she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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