i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
