so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
