i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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