Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
